Unlock closed doors

We pretend to look stable keep our composure like nothing's bothering us in some way. I see how in movies people get to say whatever they want, whether it ends up quite well or unfortunately builds a wall around them. Most of the time I visualize myself actually saying something what I want to say, when i want to say it, but somehow my mind's just way over my capabilities of opening up. Sometimes it feels like a one-off moment of explosive emotion isn't worth a life of regretting that I had ever said anything.

I guess, that's just not how things would turn out. Expressing something what you really want to say regardless of being yourself and avoiding causing another scar. Why would I take that risk? There have been many times where I've held myself back from saying what I really feel the urge to say. It's because I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I may offend someone when I can no longer prevent the situation by not saying anything at all. And also, misleading the conversation into a serious matter. Perhaps going through the process of forming the decision and uttering what i feel..... I just don't have the time to do it. I can't.

Now, If you spare me a little without making me feel like i'm wasting your time, I would. And in some way i would be happy to know what you really have in your mind, giving the kind of respect that you want. It's something i want to improve for myself, not the same situation where i keep the pain inside and lie to you with "I'm fine." Or "Everything's alright."