Get me out of here~

As the tingle of paranoia continues, I'm feeling a little stupid dwelling in this pit of self-pity. I look in the mirror every morning and examine my eyes, seeing the light gray shades underneath it isn't weird anymore. It rather look like i got punch in the face from unidentified entity. I figured that, maybe, if i keep writing it'll keep my mind off and wander into something new that i don't need to remember anything from the past few days. Today's sunday, i want to leave the house for awhile and maybe visit the park and just have time to think about things. Steer clear on the brightside of this crappy life. I wish i'd go later.

For indefinable reason, somehow, this lodged itself in me. Depression. *sighs* All i wanted is an enternity of happiness. Not this. It drives me nuts. I haven't spoke to anyone but myself for a day now. My parents somehow noticed my strange behavior.

Last night, I had a dream. I dreamt of them, my friends. Though it has a similarity to what's happening now. I was trying to talk to my friend and tried to reconcile. You know like were you tell what you really feel, and they do the same thing. Like an open forum. Well, in my dream it wen't well. John laughed because he thought it was stupid for us to fight over something ridiculous, so juvenile. I was so glad that I wasn't too late. I brought my guitar in that dream, it was like we were back doing the things we used to do when we hang out. And then i woke up. It hit me. It wasn't real.

And i had to bury my face in my pillow and just tried to generate physical pain to fight the flood of emotions i had to get through. How stupid I am to ruin everything. I know it's my fault. Waking up today was hard, i wasn't looking forward to this day. I wished I didn't wake up and stayed in that realm of fantasy I had.

I'm not like this... I got so attached that I have nothing left for myself. I don't wan't to wake up tomorrow, let it be my last. So that i don't have to go through another day of depression. It's eating me up slowly. *sighs*