Passive aggression

There! Now, everything makes sense now. I’ve been staying away until things get clear. It’s hard, as much as I’ve been trying to cope with my friends in school. It still feels different. Apparently I’ve read this term “Passive aggression” from Charlie. I had to google it. Apparently, it’s being stubborn; resistance to following through with expectations either in interpersonal or occupational situations. Wow. See? Everything has its reasons.

I’ve already told you about my unusual behavior right? Rather personality. I’m really prone for screwing things up. Just this afternoon, I had to present myself in class and well, say things about myself. It’s very essential not to say it the other way around like “Good afternoon, I’m here to present myself.” It seems right but no. It somehow implies showing off something that is... Like~ nah, you get my point. So I said “Hello, so I’m basically here to share bits of information about myself.” Does it sound right?

Anyway, as I was about to present my presentation they joked around on how I speak. They said, it sounds like I’m about to cry or something. I’m fuckin’ nervous for Christ sake! I apologize, I had to swear. They handed me tissues as I slowly walk in front. It wasn't easy. As much as I want to be friendly and socially involved, I can’t keep my composure when everyone’s staring at me. It’s a frightening place to talk to anybody. I can't function well. In front I was able to introduce myself smoothly, I think I did good. But then, everyone was quiet seconds after my introduction. I think I did well... I think. *pats self on the back.

I’m still reading Charlie’s entries by the way. I don’t know what went wrong but last night, I got so carried away and I did something I swore I should have never done. Luckily, I manage to escape. I know I brought this all on myself. I know that I deserve this and I’d do anything to go back where I don’t mess things up. I shouldn’t talk about this here from now on or be nostalgic about bad things.This is stupid. It’s like I’m offering a lot of excuses for my mistakes. Take it like a human being, Eun. Geesh.