Monday, September 13, 2010

insecurity feeds and kills

Evidently, I have figured out what my problem is. I've never accepted the word change in my existence. I see people around me changing, and i'm left stuck in a timeless space. I never had the incentive to change and be someone better, someone that the society embraces. It has already been pathetic to know that i never stood firmly on my words. That i can't make my actions nor words justify myself for something i want to be. I can't. I'm a coward. I reject the idea of change. I am confined in a box.

My close mindedness for everything that surrounds me makes me feel secure for myself alone. Thinking, self-preservation is the classic call. I don't want to be desperate, but i don't want to lose myself either.

now, i see them changing. They gesture me to follow but i can't. I wouldn't dare moving fearing i might fail. They're getting far now and keeping up is way impossible. Who would help me move out of this circle where i'm standing? Where time sits still, gradually lose the sight of them in distant. Now i'm stuck, at the same ground. A 12 inch radius circle drawn by me and an imagination of falling into a pit to jesus nowhere if i leave where i'm standing.
"take a leap of faith."
"No."
"Coward, fearful, wuss.

you see, i find myself lost in a decision i created.

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