Participation vs. Passivity

For this semester alone I've been caught up with a lot of things. Though it hasn't ended yet but I'm really confused. I think about, like sometimes if I'd get to know a lot of people, be acquainted and go around with them. That it will be great. People that will treat you well, and well, some not so nice yet there presence makes it unusually comforting. Oddly, it works.

There is a lot to tell for the past few weeks. a lot of it is good. So, I participated a little. Okay, a lot. I never really got to talk that much with a lot of people in that certain day without messing up my sentences. Conversations really got interesting when everything started to get blurry. So far, I’m getting halfway through my first times.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One thing that really do makes me wonder now if "Am I really happy?” Ask me that and I'll say. "Yes, I am." but it seems for quite some time when you get to think a lot and everything just flash before your eyes, you get to ask yourself again, "am I?". Yeah, it might have made an awful and disappointing sense.

I remembered a friend told me about things like people have it a lot worse when i think a lot of negativity. Like the day when I beat myself down for having a failing mark on an exam. Then later on, I received a decent final grade. The truth is I would've hurt myself if i had the courage to. Maybe, I should have, for being so fuckin' sensitive. You know things like that.

Then I thought maybe it would be better if I stay passive. That I should let things fall into place and act or respond less than before so things wouldn't get so complicated again. I do apologize for not knowing why this always happens. I can't help but feel terribly bad for getting people involved.